the last 4 years
have been harder than I could have imagined
people I love died
trauma introduced itself and overstayed its welcome
God fell silent and life became mundane
and yet
the reflection I see in the bathroom mirror is almost
unrecognizable
because I see a strength foreign to my brain
that is somehow
muscle memory to my heart
– life gets richer when you lean in
There's something I want to feel but I don't know what it is. The expression confusing, yet delivering What can I give? What do I have to offer to a world that hasn't ever offered me anything at all? I live in sadness but breathe like it's still Quite a strangeness it is to be alive I twist and I churn and I burn inside And I cry Because there's something I want to feel but I don't know what it will do to me The fruits of freedom not consumed by me.
When you love me I lose control As I am not used to the power you give me When you love me I become invincible And I feel this intense happiness That feels like it will never end Until it does And when it does I lose control once more I forget what I am Who I am And as I think of a way To get back to feeling perfectly poised My only solution I see Is in you But as I wait To hear those 3 words That perfected me I am disappointed I never hear them again I long for them Expect them to be spoken again With the same impact With the same genuine emotion But still, I receive nothing The hit That I had become so addicted to Became impossible to find And with it I lost myself again I realized That when you loved me I felt worthy of love I was a treasure hidden in plain sight Finally found Although The pain Still leads me to despair I thank you for finding me Noticing me When I didn't know I needed finding
